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Tougher still is the struggle to move past the shame and guilt. And the nightmares of being raped persist. I'm always very aware of my surroundings. I spend my days working as a youth counselor and hope to start a nonprofit organization. I'm getting counseling and the medical attention I need.
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I was released to a halfway house in December and now live in my own apartment as I try to move my life forward. And for the first time since my ordeal began eighteen months earlier, I was put in safekeeping. They flew to the prison and contacted the prison director. I was suicidal.Īt last, I wrote the ACLU and told them I wanted to kill myself. Eventually I couldn't face the constant humiliation anymore. They told me to "fight or fuck." The rape continued. They told me that because I was a homosexual, it didn't matter. Each time I was met with deaf ears and laughter. I pleaded with the guards, the warden, and the classification committee time and again for safekeeping. At the next building it was the Akin Soldiers. Eventually I was moved to another building. The going rate was five or ten dollars in commissary a fuck. They did it in cells, in the shower, on the stairs. They made me perform sex with dozens of other inmates - white gangs, Mexican gangs, black gangs. When I was finally transferred to a different cell block, I was told by Cliff Brown that he and his gang had "bought" me. Eventually he demanded that I have sex with his friends, who took to calling me "Coco." When a different sex slave was badly beaten for refusing sex, he said the same thing would happen to me if I didn't comply. Then he would force me to clean his cell, make his bed, or cook food for him. Ramos would rape me once, twice, sometimes three times a day. And other inmates didn't dare touch me without clearing it first with my owner. The gangs trade amongst themselves to determine who is going to be with whom. What most people don't understand is that rape in prison isn't like it is on the outside. Thus began my life as a prison sex slave. He told me I had two choices: I could submit, or I could die. Soon after coming to Allred prison in Texas, Bret Ramos claimed me as his own. By Roderick Johnson, 35, as told to Tyler Cabot